Unmotivated

Do you ever wonder why we get so unmotivated? I am trying to think about why I get this way because it seems to be often lately. I don't want to plan my wedding, I just want to have it. I don't want to read for class, I just want to talk about this stuff. I don't want to write my sermon, I just want to be able to speak it spontaneously. I don't want to be afraid of preaching, but I can't get passed standing up alone in front and pretending to act like I know something that God can use to help people.

I constantly pressure myself with questions along the lines of, "Why don't you do this?" "Why can't you make yourself do that?" "Why does time just pass me by?" Honestly the realization came to me this morning in class. I try too much to do it by my own efforts. DUH! No wonder I feel like a failure most of the time because I just stare at the stuff I am supposed to be working on. Life in college has become an assignment. One big test and one scary speaking moment after another. I don't give it to God. I pray but forget to walk along with Him and let him help. Tangibility is my weakness. I need to see and feel and smell. I forgot God is there because his presence isn't right in front of my face because I see the wrong way.

This is a dumb example but most of us wouldn't start making out in front of our parents because they are RIGHT THERE! Well news flash-- so is God! It doesn't feel that way so no wonder things happen that we have to ask forgiveness for later. If we can learn to shift our perspective and see that he is always with us, in the doldrums of homework and in the midst of the scariest moment of our lives and in the heat of passions, it may help us to stay aligned with His will. I am going to run that one by my kids when they are old enough. Hopefully it will sink in and I won't have to worry about them getting crazy while I'm gone :)

I have deviated from my original thought... go figure. I hope I learn not to preach like this or else I will lose my peeps. Anyhow the main point of all of this--Prayer. Keeps him in your mind constantly, ceaselessly and then the presence of God begins to become more real. You don't feel like you are doing it alone. Everything is better when you don't have to do it alone. I learned about Celtic prayers in a class earlier this year and they are an awesome way to pray all day long.

Example-- When you get in the shower in the morning pray something like this, " Lord, as this water is cleansing me and preparing me for the day, I ask that you will cleanse my heart and soul and prepare my being for the day ahead. Refresh my spirit." What they did was connect regular, everyday objects to attributes of God. Sometimes it is kinda tricky but practice makes it more fluid. Try a pencil-- or a hairdryer-- or driving-- the possibilities are endless!

Well I have rambled but I would love to hear the little prayers you make up. I hope you find God more during your days!

I'm Just Throwing This Out There

This was a strange weekend for me. Life seems to be up and down and once I think I've got it, it then seems to not be around. I went around a corner a few minutes ago and I finally think I will be able to get on the right track this semester.

For whatever reason i have a hard time making my desires align with my will. I want to love my family the best way I can, but when push comes to shove I back out. I want to be the woman of God I was made to be for my fiance, but when the rubber meets the road I just turn into an ordinary girl and I don't do everything I should do to selflessly love him. I desire to be who God calls me to be and when the spotlight comes on I run away. I have cold feet. Commitment issues more or less.

"Love is the alignment of the will with the desire to be one with someone or something." -Augustine

Why is it so difficult to love? I see it like this; we have 2 parts, will and desire, and without them both it isn't the fullness of love that we are called to or the love that God has and expresses for us. For some the desire is no issue, but we can't seem to carry it all the way to the finish line. Others have a strong will but no drive. How do we conquer this??? If I knew the answer I would be an ecstatic woman right now. Psalm 119 is coming to mind right now (yes the longest one).

"How can a young man keep his way pure? By living according to your word. I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands. I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you. Praise be to you, O Lord; teach me your decrees. With my lips I shall recount all the laws that come from your mouth... do good to your servant, and I will live; I will obey your word. Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law... I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word. I recounted my ways and you answered me; teach me your decrees. Let me understand the teaching of your precepts; then I will meditate on your wonders. My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word. Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to to me through your law. I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws...I run in the path of your commands for you have set my heart free." --Psalm 119 9-32

Let this be a prayer for us when we are weary and hopeless and clueless and just plain angry with ourselves because we just can't seem to get it right. I just want to say on behalf of all of us who feel this way, it's okay. I know I'm messed up and that causes many problems, especially when it comes to loving God and loving others-- the great commandments.

Well, my intent was to purge some emotion and in doing so I hope we can all feel a little lighter.Learning to love is my highest priority in life and I am thankful that tonight I got my sights back on what matters. I love you IWU, I really do but I am going to love and every now and then that might mean I write a crappy paper or fall asleep in class. I'm not perfect :)

Do Eggs Have Souls??

My best friend and I like to have theological conversations and sometimes we connect these conversations to strange things. I guess in this instance it wasn't really a strange thing but oh well. Anyways, we were discussing how people are created. Is God directly involved or does he enable humans to create other humans because we are made in His image?
In my theology class we have been studying this doctrine and there are two views; Creationism and Traducianism. Obviously Creationists believe in Psalm 139, that God knits us in our mothers womb. This is a very direct involvement. Traducianists believe in a more poetic interpretation of that verse and see God as the enabler of creation. God created us in His image and like God we are able to create. This is a pretty important doctrine to the Church because what does this mean about original sin? What happens when babies are born handicapped. What about homosexuality? Does God make us that way or does broken humanity beget broken humanity? I know what my stance is but do I know the right answer? I don't think any of us do.
Now about eggs and souls... During our talk we tried to decide what human nature was. What does it mean for humans to beget humans? What is it to be humans? We have bodies that is easy enough to figure out, but what else are we made up of? Souls? Spirits? Are they the same or different? What if God makes the souls and we make the bodies? This is why we were wondering if our eggs have souls in them or not. Neither one of us pretend to know the answer because honestly it isn't a make or break faith question (in my opinion).
I believe that God enables a man and women to come together and create humans and whatever our nature is. It makes sense to me that God would not create a child with a handicap or disease. It makes sense that he would create a child to be born into a home where they won't be loved or taken care of. The fallen nature of humanity is passed down from the womb because God created us to create.
I like believing that regardless of how fallen I am or how fallen my parents are that God has a purpose and plan for my life. By his grace, regardless of how I came into the world, He loves me.
This doesn't answer all the questions and maybe I raised more than I tried to answer but I am just kind of rattling off the conversation. It was a fun conversation. I enjoy the mystery surrounding things like this because it makes me wonder what God is thinking about when we try to figure it out. " Those poor babies... they think so hard..." :) Anyhow it would be wonderful to hear what you think about it or maybe any questions you have. Hopefully we can figure it out together.

This is from my fiance Aaron

 

This has little to no relevance to anything aside from it is really funny and laughing is good for you :)

The Reason

So... I have never had a blog nor was I (or am I) very savvy with them, but I was thinking one day and I thought that this would be a great way for me to share the things I learn every day about life and God and faith and loving people. I like to use and... a lot :)

The title serves a meaning for this blog. I like nature and poetry and probably too often I try adn make cheesy but meaningful (at least for me) connections between them. I think of the garden as our lives. Our gardens need sunshine and rain... and more than that but for the sake of the thought stay with me :) God sends rain sometimes and it isn't always bad but it isn't always good. Our gardens grow despite the bad or good rain. So I want to think of this blog as rain. I am sharing experiences to help water your gardens so that all of us can grow together. It isn't going to be like Eden but the results could still be very beautiful :)

I hope that that makes since and I am praying that this is a blessing to you and God and me.