Do you ever wonder why we get so unmotivated? I am trying to think about why I get this way because it seems to be often lately. I don't want to plan my wedding, I just want to have it. I don't want to read for class, I just want to talk about this stuff. I don't want to write my sermon, I just want to be able to speak it spontaneously. I don't want to be afraid of preaching, but I can't get passed standing up alone in front and pretending to act like I know something that God can use to help people.
I constantly pressure myself with questions along the lines of, "Why don't you do this?" "Why can't you make yourself do that?" "Why does time just pass me by?" Honestly the realization came to me this morning in class. I try too much to do it by my own efforts. DUH! No wonder I feel like a failure most of the time because I just stare at the stuff I am supposed to be working on. Life in college has become an assignment. One big test and one scary speaking moment after another. I don't give it to God. I pray but forget to walk along with Him and let him help. Tangibility is my weakness. I need to see and feel and smell. I forgot God is there because his presence isn't right in front of my face because I see the wrong way.
This is a dumb example but most of us wouldn't start making out in front of our parents because they are RIGHT THERE! Well news flash-- so is God! It doesn't feel that way so no wonder things happen that we have to ask forgiveness for later. If we can learn to shift our perspective and see that he is always with us, in the doldrums of homework and in the midst of the scariest moment of our lives and in the heat of passions, it may help us to stay aligned with His will. I am going to run that one by my kids when they are old enough. Hopefully it will sink in and I won't have to worry about them getting crazy while I'm gone :)
I have deviated from my original thought... go figure. I hope I learn not to preach like this or else I will lose my peeps. Anyhow the main point of all of this--Prayer. Keeps him in your mind constantly, ceaselessly and then the presence of God begins to become more real. You don't feel like you are doing it alone. Everything is better when you don't have to do it alone. I learned about Celtic prayers in a class earlier this year and they are an awesome way to pray all day long.
Example-- When you get in the shower in the morning pray something like this, " Lord, as this water is cleansing me and preparing me for the day, I ask that you will cleanse my heart and soul and prepare my being for the day ahead. Refresh my spirit." What they did was connect regular, everyday objects to attributes of God. Sometimes it is kinda tricky but practice makes it more fluid. Try a pencil-- or a hairdryer-- or driving-- the possibilities are endless!
Well I have rambled but I would love to hear the little prayers you make up. I hope you find God more during your days!